Saturday, September 19, 2009

Parlay Picks for the Week

Don't get caught like Tony assed-out in da box! Listen to The Parlay and get that DOUGH. This week's picks:

Texans(Houston) +6.5 at Titans(Tennessee) (94% of Vegas take Titans) - Take TITANS. Their defense is nasty and the Texans looked learning disabled against Rex Ryan's Taco Bell led squad. The Titans don't have many "gamebreakers" on defense, but a very solid unit and everyone contributes. The defensive line really shoots gaps well and their secondary is great. The Texans will improve on last week's performance. They have to... But, the offensive line isn't getting the job done. I feel safe with the titans at home -6.5, but the Texans will play better. Rex Ryan had Houston confused.

Patriots(NewEngland) -3.5 @ Jets(NewYork) (87% of Vegas take NE) - UPSET, we take the Jets. Killer D, Dirty Sanchez, a guy named Chansi, what more could you ask for? The Jets have a better running game, at home, jarrod mayo injured, etc. The Patriots lost too much on defense this offseason and the Seymour trade hurts. He's already paying dividends in Oakland. Sanchez has a big challenge, but the Jets will use the run to set up the pass. I like that the Jets ran a lot of draws, screens, etc to take the heat off Sanchez and the line.

Bengals(Cincinnati) +9.0 @ Packers(GreenBay) (89% take Pack) - Packers. Tough call. 9 points is a lot and the Bengals have a "potentially" good defense. They didn't produce last week, but the broncos secondary is tough with champ bailey/brian dawkins. The Packers underachieved last week too, but that defense had its hair on fire. Aaron Rodgers will get this offense on track. I'd take the Packers up to -10.

Vikings(Minnesota) -9.5 @ Lions(Detroit) (94% take vikings) - Vikings. We gambled and took the lions last week against a bad New Orleans defense, but we failed to realize the Lions had the only defense in the NFL that was worse. Definitely a lack of oversight. I'm confident the Vikings win this game; the lions couldn't stop mike bell, they wont stop adrian peterson. Don't expect much from Favre, he has trouble taking his drops and honestly looks like he should have a walker. Take the Vikes. Has anyone wondered why these guys didn't just wait for Jeff Garcia to get cut and snag him? He's gotta be better than the Wrangler model.

Panthers(Carolina) +6 @ Falcons(Atlanta) (85% take falcons) - Take the Panthers. We think the Falcons win, but Panthers cover. Vegas knows Carolina's game last week was an abberation; Jake Delhomme's bad, but he's not Rex Grossman/Alex Smith/Shane Matthews bad. This is a value line, take Carolina late in the week. People will continue to back the Falcons.

Rams(St Louis) +9.5 @ Redskins(Washington) (79% take skins) - The Rams will cover. Washington will win this game and be in control, but the offense is communist. They allot a certain amount of points to each game and Zorn makes sure not to go over that number under any circumstances. They lost last year to St. Louis and they always let teams hang around. Wait till late in the week, should be able to get 10.5. Bodog already giving 10.

Cardinals(Arizona) +3 @ Jaguars(Jacksonville) (61% take cardinals) - Cardinals. This was a close call. We took Arizona because they shut down the SF running attack last week. Even without Anquan Boldin, the Cardinals have weapons. Its just a matter of whether Kurt Warner realizes that and decides to throw to someone besides Tim Hightower aka Steve Harvey's Love Child.

Raiders(Oakland) +3 @ Chiefs(KansasCity) (73% take raiders) - Take the raiders early in the week, this line will go down. Seymour and the raiders got this. Raf says, KC is good, but Cassell may not play. Bottom line is that the raiders can run the ball and play defense. When you can do that, you can beat anyone, so take the points. Asomugauguahaughgclickclackboom is questionable, but should play. As long as he plays, take the raiders, that guy can cover 90% of the NFL with one leg.

Seahawks(Seattle) +1.5 @ 49ers(SanFrancisco) (72% take hawks) - Niners. The Seahawks turned the ball over 3 out of first 4 possessions last week and the Rams bailed them out. Niners will take advantage. I like what Singletary is doing in SF, its all about turning that bougey wine culture clubhouse around and makin' it more hyphy like the other side of the Bay. Drink that shit Francis Gore, get hyphy son. They shut down the Cardinals, they can do it to the hawks.

Buccaneers(TampaBay) +5 @ Bills(Buffalo)(83% take bills) - Bills. I shot Leoooodddiiiissss, but I did not shoot the deputy!

Browns(Cleveland) +3 @ Broncos(Denver)(60% broncos) - Don't bet this game, don't watch this game, don't think about this game. Go directly to and do something with your life. Then go to and buy some kanye fishstick tees.

Steelers(Pittsburgh) -3 @ Bears(Chicago) (97% steelers)- Steelers. Polamalu and Urlacher are both out, we call that a wash, but the Steelers have more depth on defense. That offensive line can't create running lanes, but they should have a better time against the Bears Cover-2 type scheme running the ball. They do a good job protecting Big Ben, he just loves hanging onto the ball. Cutler and his WRs are all out of sync. They'll hit some big plays, but won't be able to move the chains. They have to play defense and bank on explosive offense. Think of them as the squirters of the NFL a la cytherea. You never know when the shower is coming, but just pray its on the way and get the goggles ready.

Ravens(Baltimore) +3 @ Chargers(SanDiego) (86% ravens) - Take the Ravens. Norv Turner is the worst leader this side of Kim Jong Ill and almost singlehandedly lost to the Raiders.

Giants(NewYork) +3 @ Cowboys(Dallas) (65% giants) - Game of the week. Take the Cowboys. Eli was impressive last week. Ware and Nicks are out, the other offensive weapons looked alright last week. But this year is about Eli making the rest of his teammates better and he looks up to the task. He picked apart a strong Skins secondary and will have an even easier time against Terrence Newman and Bums. That said, we take the cowboys. Their offense is hitting on all cylinders, they can move the chains, they also have explosive playmakers, and they have a lot of depth. I feel their defense will struggle against the Giants, but division home game at Jerry's Taj Mahal? Take the boys. NFC East is about taking care of business at home and beating teams you should. You're not going undefeated.

Colts(Indianapolis) -3 @ Dolphins(Miami) (96% colts) - Take Miami. Peyton is doing his best to carry the team, but the defense can't stop the run, he has no 2nd receiver to count on, and they can't run the ball. The Dolphins should have an offensive wrinkle to unleash here in week 2. They had a tough matchup with Atlanta last week, but I think they run the ball and take care of business against Indy.

New Orleans -1.5 @ Philadelphia - (86% saints) - Saints. I go with the majority here. Kolb has a career passer rating floating in the 60s and he's never impressed when given snaps. I think the Special Olympics style Saints defense will give up enough points to make it a nailbiter, but the Eagles defense can't stone the Saints offense, especially now that it has running balance with Mike Bell.

So far we are 10-6 on the year....

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